i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
