but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
