Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
