Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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