I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
