I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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