True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
