the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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