It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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