I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
