dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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