Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
