I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
