Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
