my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
