Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
