drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
