I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize
