A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
