Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
