I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found puke in my bra..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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