I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
