hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
