my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
