I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
