Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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