The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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