dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
