I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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