so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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