i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
