gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
