woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
