she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
