i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
