I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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