dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
