Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
