I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
