I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
