if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
