anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
