I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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