he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
