Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize