Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
