Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize