I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
