Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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