Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
