hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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