I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
