Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
