shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
third nipple confirmed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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