when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
