you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
