You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize