I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
