He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize