He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
