my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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