Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
