That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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