3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
