I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
