So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
