he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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