I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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